lyfeeeeeeee

I think about things way too much. I think a lot. I don't really like thinking about things but I always am thinking about things. There's always too much to think about and most of the time it just stresses me out and makes me feel bad. I realized my journal is exhausting. It's too much. All I ever talk about is what I did. I always think I am writing what I feel but no I am just telling, so that has got to change. Life is exhausting. I just want to grow up and be 30 already. I wish I was in 13 Going on 30 and had that magic wishing dust to have whatever wish I want come true. I want to know my future. I wish I could have some cool super power and gift to tell the future. That would be epic. But no, instead I have to wait and see what the future brings. I want to make my own future but I'm not sure what I want. I can't keep waiting for things to happen because in reality lets be real- they will never happen. I can't keep waiting. I am happy. I wouldn't say I'm estatic about things, but I'm doing alright. Life is good.

Someone recently said to me, “it’s okay, you’re just very honest”. Lately I have been really honest with people and honest with myself. At first I was embarrassed when he said that but no I like that and I’m happy he said that. I hate when people lie. What's the point? The truth comes out eventually. I can’t erase my past and I don’t care that I can’t because the whole reason of having a past is to move on from the past, live in the now, and create the future. Ever since senior year and those happenings I have been such a closed person and I would think I have so many secrets and nobody would understand any of them or what I am going through. That's pretty selfish because everyone goes through trials in their life. I guess I just need to let people in and I need to trust people. Sometimes I do trust people and it really backfires on me but hey that happens every once in a while. I know I need to forgive people and I do. I forgive way to easily but I always remember what happened. Forgetting is hard!! I know sometimes I get too involved in the feelings and the person or what happened and it makes it hard to let go.